In this life of mine, I have to take comfort in the small things. There are so many big things that seem so overwhelming and I can really get bogged down by the enormity of it all. There are so many mountains to climb, so many lives to supervise and take care of. The "To Do" list is unending ...always adding more before I complete what's already on the list. Its enough to make you not want to get out of bed in the morning. Especially, when the first thing I have to do in the morning is wake up grumpy teenagers and rush them out the door.
Last night's prayer was simple...
Dear God,
Thank you for my bed and the fact that I don't have to share it tonight. Thank you for the chill in the air that makes my comforter necessary. I love the way it feels laying heavily cocooning me in like a caterpillar. There is no one to nudge to stop snoring or turnover tonight. No one to feed accept my children. I'm thankful that my husband is safe on the other side of the country, working to bring home the bacon. I am thankful for my phone and text messaging, because sometimes it's better not to actually talk to him when I'm in this mood. What's meant to be a quick check-in can end up being a series of misunderstood statements which lead to an argument.
I am thankful that there were no meltdowns today, because last nights meltdown was a real doozy. I'm still reeling from it. I'm still upset with my mom for getting in it, and making it worse. It's funny how I can so quickly forgive the kids for their mistakes, but I hold the adults who don't have a disability to a much higher standard. Help me work on forgiveness Lord.
I am thankful that I didn't have to talk very much today to anyone, including my husband because I am grumpy.
Amen
The other night I was so pissed at my mom for agitating Blue even more during a meltdown. After 3 years of living here...she still doesn't get it. I know we all can not handle this meltdowns perfectly, by staying calm and not making matters worse 100% of the time. However, I feel like I just don't need any one or anything else making my job harder --saying or doing things to damage my children's self-esteem. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I can do enough damage all by myself.
Having my mother here and my husband for that matter, often makes my job harder. Neither of them get it. They want to win! They want to prove that they are right and the kids are wrong, which may very well be true, but when a child with autism is in an agitated state, there is no winning or loosing. There is no logic or reasoning. It's like they've gone completely mad! And the more you talk, yell, or try to make them feel bad, the worse the meltdown gets. TEACHING MOMENTS DO NOT HAPPEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A MELTDOWN! The lessons to be taught and learned happen later, when they are calm.
I am tired of supervising people. I am tired of breaking up fights. I am tired of trying to appease everyone. I am the freaking beck and call girl around here ...at your service to fulfill your needs for food, drinks, and rides to here and there. I am here to break up fights between the 4 other people who live in this house, including the adults. I am the one. the referee who comes between every freaking argument ...trying to keep them from escalating to the maximum. For teenagers, on the autism spectrum this is expected, but to have to do it for the adults too! It's just a bit much.
So yesterday, I spent part of the day in bed, recuperating from the night before. I said all of 3 words to my mother all day. I refrained from calling my brother and telling him to send her a ticket for a month in California, even though I was really tempted.
And yes...I was glad that my husband was not here for me to do for and supervise. The only two people I took care of yesterday other than myself, were my children. For that --yes...I am grateful.
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Hit me up with a comment below. I love hearing from my readers...
Dear God,
Thank you for my bed and the fact that I don't have to share it tonight. Thank you for the chill in the air that makes my comforter necessary. I love the way it feels laying heavily cocooning me in like a caterpillar. There is no one to nudge to stop snoring or turnover tonight. No one to feed accept my children. I'm thankful that my husband is safe on the other side of the country, working to bring home the bacon. I am thankful for my phone and text messaging, because sometimes it's better not to actually talk to him when I'm in this mood. What's meant to be a quick check-in can end up being a series of misunderstood statements which lead to an argument.
I am thankful that there were no meltdowns today, because last nights meltdown was a real doozy. I'm still reeling from it. I'm still upset with my mom for getting in it, and making it worse. It's funny how I can so quickly forgive the kids for their mistakes, but I hold the adults who don't have a disability to a much higher standard. Help me work on forgiveness Lord.
I am thankful that I didn't have to talk very much today to anyone, including my husband because I am grumpy.
Amen
The other night I was so pissed at my mom for agitating Blue even more during a meltdown. After 3 years of living here...she still doesn't get it. I know we all can not handle this meltdowns perfectly, by staying calm and not making matters worse 100% of the time. However, I feel like I just don't need any one or anything else making my job harder --saying or doing things to damage my children's self-esteem. I'm not saying I'm perfect, but I can do enough damage all by myself.
Having my mother here and my husband for that matter, often makes my job harder. Neither of them get it. They want to win! They want to prove that they are right and the kids are wrong, which may very well be true, but when a child with autism is in an agitated state, there is no winning or loosing. There is no logic or reasoning. It's like they've gone completely mad! And the more you talk, yell, or try to make them feel bad, the worse the meltdown gets. TEACHING MOMENTS DO NOT HAPPEN IN THE MIDDLE OF A MELTDOWN! The lessons to be taught and learned happen later, when they are calm.
I am tired of supervising people. I am tired of breaking up fights. I am tired of trying to appease everyone. I am the freaking beck and call girl around here ...at your service to fulfill your needs for food, drinks, and rides to here and there. I am here to break up fights between the 4 other people who live in this house, including the adults. I am the one. the referee who comes between every freaking argument ...trying to keep them from escalating to the maximum. For teenagers, on the autism spectrum this is expected, but to have to do it for the adults too! It's just a bit much.
So yesterday, I spent part of the day in bed, recuperating from the night before. I said all of 3 words to my mother all day. I refrained from calling my brother and telling him to send her a ticket for a month in California, even though I was really tempted.
And yes...I was glad that my husband was not here for me to do for and supervise. The only two people I took care of yesterday other than myself, were my children. For that --yes...I am grateful.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hit me up with a comment below. I love hearing from my readers...
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago