Friday is supposed to be my off day because I'm on heavy Mommy duty on Saturday and Sunday. However, my off day was cancelled due to an emergency call from the school.
"Mrs. Weaver -Blue is telling us that he feels like he has no choice but to end his life. He does not have a specific plan, but we've been talking to him for the past 30 minutes and he's not backing down."
There is more to this conversation of course. I speak to Blue and try to get him to see things clearly. I don't change his mind. He just wants the pain of middle school to be over with and he doesn't see any other way to make everything stop. All the kids hate him, they are mean, they are teasing, taunting, being silly, not following directions, getting the whole class in trouble. Then there is life at home. He can not get along with his family. He is always stressing me (mom) out. The list goes on.
We end up in the Psychiatrist office. She has a great therapy session with him. Of course she wants to add another medication to balance him out. We debate this. I'm still not happy with the decision, but I really feel like my back is against the wall. I have to get him to happy, so that he isn't feeling so overwhelmed by life that he sees no other choice but to end it.
When we leave her office...his mood is much better. Of course, we are far away from his sources of stress. We spend a leisurely day, having lunch, shopping and visiting his favorite place on earth...the Apple store. His mood is actually better than I've seen it in weeks. It's really strange how he went from 100 back to zero in such a short time span.
We were invited to go out that night to listen to Motown-like band with some friends that we made through our local Aspergers Meetup group. Of course, when I got the phone call that morning...I'm thinking, there's no way we're going out tonight to listen to music. I'm going to be on suicide watch. But as I always say, "Life is like a box of chocolates" when it comes to raising these Aspergers teens. You never know what you're going to get.
We made it out that night to the Oasis. Blue never says no to the word "GO." The Oasis is a very popular Austin spot that sits above Lake Travis. It's a family oriented atmosphere. There are silver-haired seniors all the way down to toddlers on the dance floor getting their groove on. Somewhere in-between was my crazy family and our friends.
Red NEVER...I repeat NEVER dances! He was an anxious mess before we walked through the doors...afraid of how loud the music may be, or if he would like it because it's not Alternative Rock music. The fact that his friend was there, was the only thing that enticed him to go in the first place. He had a blast!
Unfortunately, I didn't capture a picture of Blue busting his Michael Jackson moves. But he had a really good time too. He ended the night by saying, "Now that was fun! This is the kind of fun I've been wanting for our family."
From the Psychiatrist office to 'Up in da Club' dancing with the whole family. This is my life....and these are my confessions...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago