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Thursday, March 1, 2012

Just Another Day...

The following is an e-mail sent to my son's Special Education tracking teacher last night.  This is a great example of a day in the life of an Aspergers Mom.  The text in parenthesis are added for artistic effect. The names have been changed to protect the innocent:

Lauren,

I want to give you heads up.  We picked Blue up today after tutorials.  Red was in the car with the intention that we were going to get haircuts.  Perhaps I should have warned Blue about this.  He doesn't react well to the unexpected.  (So there...it's all my fault -as usual.) 

Basically, we were right back where we left off this morning --him angry at Red for whatever misunderstandings they had yesterday, and still angry with me (because...well -I'm his mother.)  Red was actually trying to be loving and supportive, but nothing either of us could say was right. 

He did not want to get a haircut because he wanted to do homework before his friend's band concert.  I insisted on the haircuts, because they were overdue.  (His head looked like...as my mother would say, "a sheep's behind.")  This caused not what I would call meltdown with yelling and screaming but, "Mom you're not being fare! 
"I'm getting further and further behind in my work because of you!" 
"You won't let me do homework because you're making me get a haircut!" 
"I hate my life! 
That's why I want to just end-it!"
He went on to have a more specific conversation about why things would be better if he just were not here.  

On our way home, Red actually told him how much we all love him, and don't want to here him talking like that.  Red explained the ramifications of saying such things, and how they can be taken especially at school. By the time we got home they hugged it out.  I hugged him too.

Later, he went off to Ben's concert, and came home in much better spirits. 

From the research I have done, and consulting with other Aspergers mothers, (from my blog and "Confessions" Facebook Community) it is very common for our guys to fall-apart at home, when they do so well in school to hold it all together.  It takes a great deal of energy for them to navigate through the day.  It's like putting on a mask and doing a performance all day long.  He wants everyone there to be impressed by him and to like him.  When he gets home, the performance if over.  He lets go. 

As the evening wheres on and we get close to bedtime...he's just done.  This is when I here,
"I'm such a bad person.  Everyone hates me.  I can't be a good family member.  I'm so stupid, etc."  (I know...doesn't sound like Blue huh?)  

I am walking on eggshells here.  I'm on the edge.  The homework battle is one I just can not fight right  now, as we go through these medication changes.  I told him, I'm done with it.  He needs to get whatever he can done during the school day.  If can get something done at night, great!  If not...I can't fight about it, right now.  It's not worth it to me.  He needs to understand, we do math at home.  That's it! No APPS! No Science! NADA!  Maybe we make it just that black and white for the next few weeks.  We need to get him through this.  

I am praying that this med will work, but it could take a couple of weeks, and there are no guarantees of course.  I absolutely loathe this process. 

I am leaving town on Friday afternoon. (Thank God!  I'm going to my best friend's house for respite, although I'm totally nervous about leaving.  But if I don't, I may very well be the one to end my life!)
You need to contact his dad if there are any issues. 

Thank you,

Blue's Mom

This an episode of Just Another Day In the Life of an Aspergers Mom...