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Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Romantic Girl --Unromantic Life

"It's a cold, wintery weekend here in Austin.  Absolutely perfect weather for napping, snuggling, eating comfort food, watching movies and reading.  If only I had a family who actually enjoys spending time together."
This was my FB status on Sunday.  I know...funny right?  Funny, sad and true.

I am this romantic person lost inside of this unromantic life, with these unromantic boys that I live with.  And for this weekend's purposes...I"m going to lump my husband into the unromantic category.  Lucky for him, he has his romantic moments and is generally a wonderful guy. But we all know that no marriage is perfect and we all have an ugly side.  I am the lucky person who gets to see his, and he gets to see mine...more often than not lately.  When you live in a stressful environment, sometimes it's hard to be all lovey-dovey and nice.

Saturday is peaceful for the most part.  I spend most of the day in my pajamas.  Aspergers Dad takes the boys out to dinner and to Best Buy to look around.  Blue wants to window shop for his birthday, which is coming up this week.   I literally scream hallelujah as I lock the door behind them.

In the quiet, I get online to play Words With Friends on Facebook.  Unfortunately, I read the news about the death of Whitney Houston.  My heart is heavy because of this loss.  Another great artist who pays the price of high art with her life.  What is it about the greatest singers in the world that makes them succumb to a life of drugs?  It's so sad.

I think of all of the songs of hers that I loved at different times in my life.  I remember that first video I saw on MTV of her in the blond wig.  I have the fleeting thought of the  the boyfriend I was with at the time.  I think of how sexy I thought she was with Kevin Costner in the Body Guard.  And "I will always love you" was just --epic.  I think of her during that sad time around 2005, when she did the reality show with her husband, "Being Bobby Brown."  "Bobby!" she would call him in her very street, round-the-way-girl voice.  We got to see how much she and Bobby really were alike despite the image we had previously been sold.

Nevertheless, her voice was undeniable!  Her talent, larger than life.  I was pulling for her in her last "come back" album.  Thrilled to see her in her last interview with Oprah.  I was hopeful for her...and now saddened by her death.

Sunday morning we have a wintery mix of rain, sleet and a few snow flurries.  I am so thankful that there is food in the house and I don't have to leave.  My mom has plans to cook dinner for us. Awesome!  I plan to do laundry and relax.  (Yeah...right.  These people I live trampled all over every last inch of my nerves all day long.)  

Blue has become this angry teenager, who disagrees with every word I say.  He hates to be "bossed around" as he says by me.  Well...excuse the hell out of me for being your mother!  Red is doing better but he's talking pretty much non-stop.  You can't shut him up.  I'm trying to relax downstairs watching my trashy t.v. and suddenly everyone is hungry.

"What's for lunch?"
"There's nothing to eat here!  Well...there's nothing I want."
I offer a myriad of choices.  None of it is good enough.  Blue tries to make lunch so complicated that I just want to scream.  It's like he tries to see how far he can push me.  I don't think he's manipulative.  He just wants things HIS way and hates to be told no.

When I do make Blue and Asperger Dad lunch...they come downstairs and start complaining about what I'm watching on t.v.  Blue tells me how inappropriate everything is and his father is giving me "the look."  I call it the Big Pappa look of disapproval.  (I have a father baby, and you are not him!) 

I turn the television off.   I'm pissed! Wasn't I here first?  I just made lunch for you two and now you're complaining about what I'm watching on t.v.  You're welcome very much!

I go upstairs to my room.  Red is in my room watching some loud irritating show.  He got rid of the t.v. in his own room in one of his minimalist purges.  His t.v. wasn't good enough because it wasn't an HD 1080p, flatscreen.  This is just great!

There is no escape!  To make it worse...I have no wine in the house!

Later in the evening, I have to have to help Blue get through a novel for school.  He loathes this novel and it's violent themes.  "The Hunger Games" is assigned reading for his language arts class.  I find extreme irony in the fact that our school district gives parents and "opt out" to watch the President of the United States addressing children, to encourage them to work hard in school.  Yet, they assign reading to 7th graders with violent themes.  Where's the "opt out" for that?

Of course, I am the lucky recipient of his loathing of this assignment.  Although I am trying to help him, he is talking to me as if I assigned the novel myself.   Everything is my fault.  To top it all off, my mother chimes in taking issue with the way that he is talking to me.  She lets him know, in no uncertain terms, that he is being disrespectful to her daughter.  This sends him over the edge.  I have to corral him up to his room and calm him down.  Thanks Mom! I really appreciate your help.

It's a sad state of affairs when you start to get used to hearing your children saying things like, "I just want to end my life, because this homework is really stressing me out.  I'm such a bad person because I take it all out on you."

We talk through it.  I assure him, that I love him.  At the end of the day, no matter what has happened we end with, "I love you."  That's all that matters.  He agrees.  We get through the assignment and hug it out as I tuck him for bed.  (This is actually the best part of my day.)

By the time they all go to bed I self-medicate with a brownie and 2 ounces of milk.   I'm not speaking to my husband or my mother.  I've had run-ins with both of them.

Oh yeah...It's a Wonderful Life!

Happy Love Day! As my friend Elena says, "You are a cherished blessing to the world and to me." Thank you for reading and sharing this journey with me.

Truly,

Romantic Girl