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| "Autism is Anxiety Looking for a target." -Tony Atwood |
There is a drought here in Texas. "Next we will have a famine. Is it my fault that it's not raining? Is it because I'm scared of thunderstorms? Why is God letting this happen? Is he mad at us?"
For two lovely weeks, there is no sibling to be annoyed by or to argue with. Where will we put that negative energy? It has to go somewhere. The perfect solution? I've got it. I will argue and be angry with Mom. She can be pretty annoying too. She's always making these dumb jokes that SHE thinks are so funny. She's always wants to hug and kiss me. That is so embarrassing. No -she doesn't do it in front of people, but it's still embarrassing! She can't answer all of my questions. Well...she can answer, but I don't LIKE any of her answers. She's nothing like dad. See Dad and I -we're so much alike. We understand each other better. We like the same things. We can talk about anything. Thank God I have him to talk to.
Mom? I need her too. She sure can cook. When I'm hungry...she's my girl! She should just wear a sign on her forehead that says, "I am the food lady."
School will be starting in a few weeks. Although I'm dying for school to start because I love the schedule. I love being away from home for 8 hours a day. I love the distance it gives me from my brother. I love stimulating my mind and challenging teachers. But I am really worried about having to take 7th grade science. I have to study about the human body. The human body absolutely freaks me out. I don't want to learn about cells and what goes on inside my body. It just really grosses me out. "What am I going to do? I can't get out of it?"
What? You want me to take advanced math? I mean I know I did great on my state testing last year. I know that my teachers recommended me for this class. Yes -I passed the assessment exam, which determines that I have the skills necessary to take this class, but what if I don't know everything I need to know. What if I can't work fast enough? I have accommodations? Yeah right? What does that really mean? I bet they won't really give them to me.
Yes...I have friends that live nearby. I usually get to hang out with them a few times a week. But today, I called so and so and he didn't answer. He didn't text me back. "Is he mad at me?" No -I didn't do anything to make him mad ...but he could still be mad at me. Why is everyone mad at me?
Is President Obama doing a good job? Why is everyone so mad at him?
Why do I have to have autism?
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago