Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Looking for a Target

"Autism is Anxiety Looking for a target." -Tony Atwood
Summer days, lounging about trying to stay out of the Texas heat, no schedules, sleeping in, no rushing to make it anywhere on time, no pressures of school, tests, homework, social nightmares. This all sounds so relaxing to the naked ear, but not to the child with autism who actually thrives on a schedule of events.  All of this freedom gives him more time to worry about everything.

There is a drought here in Texas. "Next we will have a famine.  Is it my fault that it's not raining?  Is it because I'm scared of thunderstorms?  Why is God letting this happen?  Is he mad at us?"

For two lovely weeks, there is no sibling to be annoyed by or to argue with.  Where will we put that negative energy?  It has to go somewhere.  The perfect solution?  I've got it.  I will argue and be angry with Mom.  She can be pretty annoying too.  She's always making these dumb jokes that SHE thinks are so funny.  She's always wants to hug and kiss me.  That is so embarrassing.  No -she doesn't do it in front of people, but it's still embarrassing!  She can't answer all of my questions.  Well...she can answer, but I don't LIKE any of her answers.   She's nothing like dad.  See Dad and I -we're so much alike.  We  understand each other better.  We like the same things.  We can talk about anything.  Thank God I have him to talk to.

Mom?  I need her too.  She sure can cook.  When I'm hungry...she's my girl!  She should just wear a sign on her forehead that says, "I am the food lady."

School will be starting in a few weeks.  Although I'm dying for school to start because I love the schedule.  I love being away from home for 8 hours a day.  I love the distance it gives me from my brother.  I love stimulating my mind and challenging teachers.  But I am really worried about having to take 7th grade science.  I have to study about the human body.  The human body absolutely freaks me out.  I don't want to learn about cells and what goes on inside my body.  It just really grosses me out.  "What am I going to do?  I can't get out of it?"

What?  You want me to take advanced math?  I mean I know I did great on my state testing last year.  I know that my teachers recommended me for this class.  Yes -I passed the assessment exam, which determines that I have the skills necessary to take this class, but what if I don't know everything I need to know.  What if  I can't work fast enough?  I have accommodations?  Yeah right?  What does that really mean?  I bet they won't really give them to me.

Yes...I have friends that live nearby.  I usually get to hang out with them a few times a week.  But today, I called so and so and he didn't answer.  He didn't text me back.  "Is he mad at me?"  No -I didn't do anything to make him mad ...but he could still be mad at me.  Why is everyone mad at me?

Is President Obama doing a good job?  Why is everyone so mad at him?

Why do I have to have autism?

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