I don't understand how after days of such behavior -you turn around and nicely ask, "Can I go to the movies tomorrow to see such and such with so and so?" Or "I really want to go to Six Flags."
I know I've totally treated you like crap for the past several days but hey, now I want something from you and I seriously expect you to give it to me.
I don't understand harassing the dog "because he's such a cutie". Why do you need to pick him up and hold him tightly like he's a baby? He's a dog. He obviously doesn't like it. You are the only person in the house he runs from.
The other day Harry is enthusiastically running up the stairs next to me. When he sees Red at the top of the stairs he looks like, Oh Shit! There he is! He literally stops in his tracks, does a u-turn and gets behind me. This dog loves and licks everyone. Why don't you get that? Why do you seem to thrive on annoying others?
I don't understand complaining about the way you look, being upset that you've gained weight, yet refusing to swim or go to the gym with regularity and refusing to change your diet to include more protein instead of just carbohydrates.
Why is it that both boys have Aspergers....but they are so completely different? So different in fact, I almost question that they both have the same disability. Blue can be so thoughtful, protective and helpful. He is truly a joy to be around. Why is it that one medication has done wonders for him? Yet, Red takes several medications and his behaviors are still pretty horrible.
So the doctors say that you also have Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Attention Deficit Disorder, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, BiPolar NOS. All of these conditions are subsequent to your Aspergers. What does that mean really? Does it really just mean that your symptoms of Aspergers are severe? Your outburst of anger and depression come from frustration of feeling different, and not connecting with peers the way you would like to? I don't really see any mania -any massive feelings of euphoria...ever. Unless the mania is when you're talking non-stop and not really making any sense. Is your lack of focus because you simply have no interest in the subject that's being taught? You certainly can focus when it comes to something you actually WANT to do. Why have you always been an intricate, complicated puzzle that I don't know how to solve?
Why is their no miracle med that does wonders for your disposition? Why are you still so unhappy and you seem to work so hard to make others around you just as miserable? I love you, but why is it so hard to be around you? Why do you engulf our home in your misery when we are your safe haven? We are the ones who love you and do everything within out power to make things better for you.
Why do you thrive on arguing with me more than anyone? Why do my feelings not seem to matter to you? Why is it that everything I do for you is never enough?
I have a zillion more questions about your future? Will you be able to live on your own? Will you be able to focus your skills into a career? Will you find happiness...ever? Will you have a wife and children? ,
It's a wonder that I can focus on anything else with all of these questions constantly swimming around in my head. No wonder I can't find my glasses in my purse, because they're already on my face. No wonder I can't find my cell phone when it's exactly where I left it, even though I looked there twice. No wonder white wine and margaritas are a staple for life in this madness.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago