Today, the same friend sent me a link which I shared on my Facebook Fan Page (Like me here). On the link to the Screamfree Tip of the Day, the author, Han Frankel basically tells us that our happiness doesn't have to depend on the mood or the actions of our children. Just because they are screaming and ranting, we don't have to buy into it. We can choose to be happy. Really?? Who knew??
"If your child is throwing a tantrum or pitching a fit, guess what? That doesn’t have to make you upset. You can still choose to be happy. If your child is moping about and grumbling about her life, guess what? You don’t have to pull her out of her emotional ditch to feel good about yourself. You can still find joy. Even if your child is yelling at you how horrible you are, you do not have to take it personally. You can find peace. This is a very freeing sentiment because it allows you to recognize a simple and powerful truth. No one can make you feel anything. When this truth can sink in, you will be in a much better position to really be with your child as they go through these difficult emotions. And they will see that you are stronger than the winds blowing around you. They will naturally gravitate towards you and your calm so that you will be able to provide comfort, consequences, or clarity when they need it most."
Hal Runkel, LMFT, Author of ScreamFree Parenting and ScreamFree Marriage
Now I know we are all have our moments. Lets face it, our kids are extremely challenging. So many times I've said to myself, Why do I have to feel every single emotion that they are feeling? I mean it's freakin' exhausting. Especially, when half the time Red (my 15 year old) goes through these tantrums with the sole purpose of getting a reaction from me. Imagine if even half the time that our children are upset, we could choose to stay calm, and happy. Do you think it might rub off on them? We could just say, "I'm sorry you feel your life is so horrible, but I am choosing to be happy. I'm going to focus on the positive things in my life. You should try it."
Red would probably scream, "Stop being happy mom! You're pushing my buttons!!!"
I think I'll be pulling out those CD's now and listening to every last one of them. You can order them click here:
By the way, you can go to the link to get your own Tip of the Day
You can also Like ScreemFree on Facebook.
Thank you for all clicking for me yesterday! I have fallen down in the Top Mommy Ranks. This is directly related to my self-esteem...so get clicking people!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago