I'm a lover not a fighter. I hate confrontation. I don't like making people feel bad, or calling them out. (Of course my husband would totally disagree with this statement.) I don't like being angry and out of sorts. I don't like that heart-racing, palpitating rush that I feel when I'm upset.
But every day isn't coming up Roses, and everyone doesn't always do what they are supposed to do. They don't always do what's best for your special needs kid. Sometimes they do the best they can. Sometimes they do what's convenient or easy. Sometimes they do what's in the best interest of other students. Sometimes, the school system of things for Special Education just stinks! So although I don't like to fight...I HAVE TO ADVOCATE for my child. If not me than who?
The latest in this drama -Red comes home from school on Monday and blasts me with a rant,"You don't love me! You're the worst parents ever!" You know the regular drill. It reaches it's climax...just as we're getting ready to sit down for dinner. I put dinner on the table for everyone else. I coerce him to his room where I get him to calm down. We talk. When he gets to the point of being rational we can actually have an insightful conversation.
"Can you tell me why you're so angry?"
"I'm just so depressed because of everything that's been happening at school. You know how 6th grade was a really rough year for me? Well...this year is kind of like that."
Hmm...two transitional years -lots of changes, adjustments, getting to know new students, teachers and administrators. Change is not easy for a kid on the autism spectrum. This is a rare moment of clarity from him. It's amazing how much better he can actually think when he is calm and rational.
"I've been taking it out on my family, but I know that you guys love me. I take things out on Blue because I hate that he's so smart and I'm not."
"You are smart. How can a person that's not smart get commended on a TAKS test? You're capable of making A's and B's. You're not failing anything (besides Art at the moment). You just learn differently and work slowly. That doesn't mean you're not smart."
"Well I'm just upset about everything that's been happening to me at school. Today, they changed my schedule around for two of my classes."
They did what!? How could that be? I wasn't notified or consulted! Jesus! When does it end? He's been screaming and blowing up with me because they changed his schedule! Note the key word CHANGE! CHANGE IS DIFFICULT for kids on the autism spectrum.
"Now I won't know anybody. I'm gonna miss the friends I have in those classes. And my health class is a whole new teacher, in a different room and it's LOUD in there."
The whole reason he's been depressed and acting out is because he is sad, lonely -feeling like he doesn't have any friends. They changed his class so that he wouldn't be in class with a boy he's had an issue with. They told me they were just going to move his seat and have aid present. I am not happy!
But every day isn't coming up Roses, and everyone doesn't always do what they are supposed to do. They don't always do what's best for your special needs kid. Sometimes they do the best they can. Sometimes they do what's convenient or easy. Sometimes they do what's in the best interest of other students. Sometimes, the school system of things for Special Education just stinks! So although I don't like to fight...I HAVE TO ADVOCATE for my child. If not me than who?
 |
| This was too funny not to use! |
8:15 a.m. The phone rings, "I know you are rushing to get Red to school on time for TAKS testing, but I have a quick question for you," says the school Psychologist.
Actually, I wasn't rushing. Actually, I had no idea testing was today. I have been to busy dealing with his explosive, angry behavior since the events that took place at school a week ago. I've been an absolute, stark raving lunatic! I've been too busy trying to get his emotions under control. I've been totally preoccupied with preparing for my upcoming emergency ARD meeting.
He did make it to school for testing. However, he was late. (What else is new?)
The latest in this drama -Red comes home from school on Monday and blasts me with a rant,"You don't love me! You're the worst parents ever!" You know the regular drill. It reaches it's climax...just as we're getting ready to sit down for dinner. I put dinner on the table for everyone else. I coerce him to his room where I get him to calm down. We talk. When he gets to the point of being rational we can actually have an insightful conversation.
"Can you tell me why you're so angry?"
"I'm just so depressed because of everything that's been happening at school. You know how 6th grade was a really rough year for me? Well...this year is kind of like that."
Hmm...two transitional years -lots of changes, adjustments, getting to know new students, teachers and administrators. Change is not easy for a kid on the autism spectrum. This is a rare moment of clarity from him. It's amazing how much better he can actually think when he is calm and rational.
"I've been taking it out on my family, but I know that you guys love me. I take things out on Blue because I hate that he's so smart and I'm not."
"You are smart. How can a person that's not smart get commended on a TAKS test? You're capable of making A's and B's. You're not failing anything (besides Art at the moment). You just learn differently and work slowly. That doesn't mean you're not smart."
"Well I'm just upset about everything that's been happening to me at school. Today, they changed my schedule around for two of my classes."
They did what!? How could that be? I wasn't notified or consulted! Jesus! When does it end? He's been screaming and blowing up with me because they changed his schedule! Note the key word CHANGE! CHANGE IS DIFFICULT for kids on the autism spectrum.
"Now I won't know anybody. I'm gonna miss the friends I have in those classes. And my health class is a whole new teacher, in a different room and it's LOUD in there."
The whole reason he's been depressed and acting out is because he is sad, lonely -feeling like he doesn't have any friends. They changed his class so that he wouldn't be in class with a boy he's had an issue with. They told me they were just going to move his seat and have aid present. I am not happy!
But that's o.k. because the stars are aligning. I can't be more specific until after I have my actual meeting. (Who knows who is reading this? They may have secret spies reading my blog. I certainly hope so!) Let's just say -everything is coming together. I will be well prepared going into this friendly meeting with the powers that be.
Through this experience I am learning. Through my pain, anger, heart-racing and palpitating, stomach gurgling, sleepless nights and tears, my son will be helped. I will make things better for him. Subsequently, I will be able to help someone else.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago