We may not have this hot and heavy romance thing going on a daily basis. I mean who has time for that? A day doesn't go by without a hug, a kiss, a miniature back rub...something. If I'm really in a crappy mood, I may totally dis him, but not that often. I don't have a perfect life and I can't always be the perfect wife. There are days when I just have nothing left after dealing with the stress of raising these boys.
The truth is, I so appreciate what he brings to the table. We are excellent partners. He has strengths where I have weaknesses and vice-versa. He handles finances...I hate finances. They make me nervous. I know what I need to know. How much can I spend? He does the heavy discipline. I come to the rescue when he's being too harsh. I'm the soft touch -new school, while he's the tough and ready -old-school. He hyper-focuses on work while I hyper-focus on our kids. They connect on the geekiness front, where as I totally don't get it. He gives me a break when I really need one.
Thank God...he provides the example for them of what it means to be a man, a diligent worker, a responsible citizen, a good husband, and an excellent father.
I take care of all of the details of running a house, the shopping, the medical appointments (including his), the therapies, household maintenance, school, teachers, IEP's, all things autism and all extra-curricular activities. (I could go on...but I'll spare you.)
I have the added responsibility of caring for my 71 year-old mother. Well -she mostly takes care of herself, but I have to cart her around, and help her manage her life now that she lives with us.
I provide an image of what it means to be a woman, a good wife, a mother and a citizen of the world. As far as being the female image for them...let's just say whomever they marry will have a lot to live up to. They are totally spoiled!
Blue really missed Dad while he was gone on this trip. After a few days, I just couldn't do anything right. I definitely could not resolve any conflict between he and Red. Red has really been trying to get along with everyone, including Blue for the past few days. Blue wasn't having any of it. He did not trust that Red means anything that he says. Like when he says, the infamous, "I'm sorry." For a while there, we thought "Sorry" was his middle name, he says it so often. Then he proceeds to turn around and repeat the same behavior that he is supposedly sorry for.
Red tried over and over to be nice. "Good morning Blue," he says when he comes down for breakfast. This is huge for him. He usually comes down and says something nasty like, "What's wrong with your hair?" or "Why are you wearing that?"
I implore Blue to acknowledge his brother's effort and to try to forgive him, to no avail.
Blue says, "I don't trust him, so I'm just going to ignore him."
After 3 days of Red trying to be nice and being rejected, he finally lashed out, said something rude and nasty. There was a miniature explosion between them. Luckily by this time Dad was home. He goes into the room and has quiet little pow-wow with Blue. The two of them come out, kick me out of Red's room and they all pow-wow together. They kick me out because according to dad, "I always talk for everyone." He wanted them to talk for themselves. Apologies were made. They both promise to try to get along better. All is good in the universe.
I had been trying the same thing for 3 days. It's amazing what happens when Dad comes to the rescue!
Dad is leaving again tomorrow and it's Spring Break. It will be a break from having to get up early in the morning and deal with the stress of getting ready and going to school. For me...it means extra peace-keeping duty. What the hell am I going to do? I can't tell you how much I'm looking forward to it.
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago