It seems like it's been forever since I've been on a date with my husband. It hasn't been...it just seems like it. He reminded me last night that we did go see "The King's Speech" a few weeks ago. For the past two weeks however, I've been wanting to go see the new Natalie Portman/Ashton Kutcher movie but it just hasn't worked out. A romantic comedy that my husband actually wouldn't mind seeing. He loves all things Natalie Portman. He even took me to see "Black Swan," so I guess I really should quit whining.
I thought that the boys getting older would mean that we could go out all the time -that having teenagers would mean that we don't need a babysitter. Then my mom moved in with us last year. I thought 'great...we can even spend the night out if we want to!'
I didn't plan on the fact that having two teenagers on the autism spectrum would make for explosive fights that can break out at any given moment. Therefore, it's not so simple to just leave them at home alone or even with their grandmother. It was actually easier to leave them at home alone two years ago, than it is now that they are older. They didn't fight as much then. Now hormones have kicked in and the little one doesn't take any crap from the older one. He will whack him upside the head in a heartbeat!
The last time I left them at home with their grandmother for just an hour...I came home to a whole in the wall. "It was Red's fault Mom," says Blue. "I'm sorry...but he made me so mad! He wouldn't get out of my room!"
Now what we have to do is arrange for one of them to be out of the house while we're gone. Last night Blue went over to play with a friend in the neighborhood while we went out. When we went to see the "King's Speech" a few weeks ago, he went to play with another friend. Thank God at least one of them has the ability to maintain friendships.
On this "parents night" we went to a concert to see Esperanza Spaulding -a wonderful bassist and jazz singer at quaint venue here in Austin called One World Theatre. We love this venue because there is not a bad seat in the house. It's a Tuscan styled mansion that is nestled on top of Barton Creek Hills with beautiful views of Austin. Part of the mansion is converted into a concert hall that only seats about 250 people. There is also reception hall and patio downstairs where you can have drinks and dinner beforehand. They also rent if for weddings and events. The theater is a very intimate venue. You get very up close and personal with the artist. Our seats last night were 2nd row center. (Not bad hubby! I think I'll renew his contract for another year.)
We met our good friends at the concert and afterwards we went out for cocktails together. It was great to remember what it feels like to be an adult -a couple, sharing adult conversation about art, music, politics and Oprah's new half-sister.
It is so important to remain connected as a couple. It's easy to get lost in being parents of special needs children. So many couples don't make it through the difficult process or raising high-maintenance kids. These boys of ours desperately need two parents in tact. If we're going to make it, we have to keep our connection which means, 'Parents Night Out' has to be a big priority.
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I thought that the boys getting older would mean that we could go out all the time -that having teenagers would mean that we don't need a babysitter. Then my mom moved in with us last year. I thought 'great...we can even spend the night out if we want to!'
I didn't plan on the fact that having two teenagers on the autism spectrum would make for explosive fights that can break out at any given moment. Therefore, it's not so simple to just leave them at home alone or even with their grandmother. It was actually easier to leave them at home alone two years ago, than it is now that they are older. They didn't fight as much then. Now hormones have kicked in and the little one doesn't take any crap from the older one. He will whack him upside the head in a heartbeat!
The last time I left them at home with their grandmother for just an hour...I came home to a whole in the wall. "It was Red's fault Mom," says Blue. "I'm sorry...but he made me so mad! He wouldn't get out of my room!"
Now what we have to do is arrange for one of them to be out of the house while we're gone. Last night Blue went over to play with a friend in the neighborhood while we went out. When we went to see the "King's Speech" a few weeks ago, he went to play with another friend. Thank God at least one of them has the ability to maintain friendships.
We met our good friends at the concert and afterwards we went out for cocktails together. It was great to remember what it feels like to be an adult -a couple, sharing adult conversation about art, music, politics and Oprah's new half-sister.
It is so important to remain connected as a couple. It's easy to get lost in being parents of special needs children. So many couples don't make it through the difficult process or raising high-maintenance kids. These boys of ours desperately need two parents in tact. If we're going to make it, we have to keep our connection which means, 'Parents Night Out' has to be a big priority.
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago