For the most part this has been a lazy week with only one child in the house. Even though he is the youngest, he is the low maintenance child of the family. Meaning, he goes to bed and gets up on his own, feeds himself breakfast, and makes himself microwave meals without my help.
He does however, like to be entertained and go places frequently. They don't have to be expensive places. He just wants to get out of the house, change his environment, see and do something to change the flow of things. We can go to the mall, just to walk and look. We don't have to buy anything. He also loves to go out to eat. I don't know where he got that from. (I say with sarcasm.) That is a trait on my side of the family and since my husband and I have been married, and we are no longer in dire straits for money, he loves it too. We waste a lot of money on this habit.
On Thanksgiving day Blue comes down to the kitchen as my mom and I are cooking and asks, "So what are we going to do today?"
"We're doing it," I reply.
"You mean I can't go anywhere?"
"Well, you were invited to your friends house in the neighborhood. You can get dressed and go over there."
"They probably won't answer if I call."
"Well, there's only one way to find out."
This friend's mother seldom answers the phone for some reason. I explained that it doesn't matter. He was invited, and anytime he wanted to go, I would take him. He wasn't really satisfied with this answer. He wanted to go somewhere FUN! And that wasn't happening...and so we have a miniature meltdown.
"Son...you told me that you wanted to be at home for the holidays this year. You also said you wanted peace. I gave you that. I sent your brother to California so that we could have a peaceful, quiet holiday. Yet, somehow you're still not happy. I don't understand."
A few "Skittles" and minutes later, he pulled himself together, took a shower, got dressed and headed off to his friends house. They played games, and jumped on the trampoline for a while. They had a good time. He called for me to pick him up in time for dinner.
I'd spent the entire day cooking. My mother who taught me how to cook, was there only as my assistant. I wanted her to TAKE OVER...no such luck. I found it all so anti-climatic -all day cooking for a meal that was over in less than a half-hour without any fanfare.
The prodigal son (our 22 year-old) returned to the nest along with his girlfriend for dinner. We are all a little pissed with him, since he hasn't called or come to visit in several weeks. Lately, it seems like the only time he comes or calls is when he needs something. We are terribly disappointed at how self-centered and selfish he has turned out to be. He has little or no time for his brothers who really could use the example of a neuro-typical big brother, a mentor in their lives. Instead, both of the younger boys know that they can't depend on their brother to be there for them. He may come through, he may not. We tried for the sake of the holiday to keep things pleasant and peaceful. And we almost made it...but I won't get into that.
The turkey was moist. I cooked it upside down, in a bag so that all the juice flows into the breast. I added a two expensive cheeses to my macaroni, to give it a little pizazz. Everyone said they loved my experimental stuffing. It was Emeril's recipe that he made on "Good Morning America" -Wild mushroom stuffing. I thought it was just o.k. It was delicious the next day as leftovers.
In my younger days, I used to so look forward to the holiday season. It was all about the social aspects of it -all of the parties and family gatherings. Now it just seems it's all about work! Cooking, cleaning, decorating, shopping, more cleaning, and then putting away the decorations. The next holiday meal I cook will be beg, borrowed, picked-up, catered -whatever! I refuse to be on my feet all day, too exhausted to really enjoy the meal.
I think I'd rather make like a bird and fly away!
"Thanksgiving dinners take eighteen hours to prepare. They are consumed in twelve minutes. Half-times take twelve minutes. This is not coincidence."
— Erma Bombeck
— Erma Bombeck
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago