Vote for My Blog

Vote for me @ Top Mommy Blogs - Mom Blog Directory

Saturday, August 28, 2010

Kuddos

The boys have done an excellent job of holding it together at school this week and then came home and gave me holy hell, in one way or another.  Change is excruciating for the average teen and preteen, for them it's like someone shot them in the foot! We've been through the after school melt-downs, shouting matches and good, old fashion boxing matches between the two of them.  Me? I play the part of referee, ring master, animal control. We've been through torturous mornings trying to get the teenager out of bed.  It takes a good half an hour, full of water squirting, pleading, negotiating, trying my level best not to threaten or beat with a stick.

So I'm feeling like crap thinking what can I do to make this easier for them.  How can I ease the pain? I know I can not shield them from every growing pain that they will go through, including going to middle and high school.  That doesn't mean I don't wish that I could.  I put them both through the fire every day because I have no other choice.  They need their education and they can't get it from me.  I can not do it!  They need to develop a tough skin and social skills.  That won't happen with mom shielding them from everything difficult and painful.

Every day this week, I have received emails and phone calls from with the caller I.D. saying, "LISD", which means one child or the others school is calling.  Each time, my stomach balls up in a knot.  What now?  Two of the phone calls were, "Mrs. Weaver can you come and pick up your son?" One because, the oldest missed the bus on the first day coming home -two because -the youngest would not get on the bus because of the thunderstorm.   All of the other calls and e-mails were in fact positive, informing me of a basically good day from the high school special ed. teacher.

Now of course when they get home I say, "How was your day son?" With the ugliest frown they can muster I hear, "It was horrible! I HATE (long list of everything that they hate)".  I probe for something positive.  They just won't give it to me. I have to find out my looking at Facebook to read that the teenager had a better day.  He would never just share that with me.

The middle school special ed. teacher did call to let me know how impressed she and the rest of the team are with my son.  "He is self-advocating, participating and doing great! His teachers all just love him." The second call was from his Advisory teacher.  This is a special class that he was invited to be a part of where they work on leadership skills and special projects to get them to start thinking about their future in college and beyond.  When I met this teacher, I must admit, I was a little intimidated.  I thought, 'Oh crap...how will he get along with her?  Will she get him?' Well -apparently she does.  She called to say, "I am very impressed with his communication skills.  He worked through some difficulties and was the only child to volunteer to make a presentation in front of the entire class."  I was so thrilled to get these POSITVE phone calls.

What's more, the school Psychologist from his old elementary school made a special trip to have lunch with him this week.  Also, his social skills teacher offered to help him make his favorite chicken nuggets hot on Fridays if he makes it through the week in the cafeteria.  His social skills teacher from last year has e-mailed me on the first day of school to let me know that she misses him and to find out how things went. He sent her return email message to give her an update.

So despite the thunderstorms, meltdowns and fights here at home, they both seem to be holding it together well at school.  For that I am both happy and extremely proud.  I am also eternally grateful to all of the angels around us that are giving us such love and support!

We will make it  through the fire...there may be a little smoke inhalation but nothing that will kill us.

3 comments:

  1. As usual, it's a mixed bag for our children, isn't it? I'm glad you got to hear the positives. (My school runs on the idea that no news is good news when, in fact, no news is NO NEWS and GOOD NEWS is good news.)

    An autism specialist on my son's team told me something just yesterday. She said that a certain problem behavior is more motivational for him than doing what he's supposed to be doing, so we need to change/increase the levels of reinforcement, i.e., reward the heck out of him for doing what's right. This strategy puts us in the poor house, but it's been very effective in the past, including training my son to get up and out of bed to his alarm and get to the bathroom/get dressed, all independently. Truly independently, not with us prompting him to do the next step. You're probably doing this already, but I thought I'd mention it.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Terri -

    How often do you give the positive reinforcement? Everyday...the end of the week? We tried that last year. It only worked for a short time. So I gave up. What do you give?

    I tried do what you're supposed to and I'll bring you lunch on Friday. I can't think of a short term motivator for this kid. Everything he wants costs like a hundred bucks!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm sorry I haven't gotten back to you on this. It's a long explanation, so I'll write it out. (Or you can email me your email or phone number and I'll contact you either way: terri@autismsupport-somd.org.) I've got a book recommendation, too.

    ReplyDelete