So watching Red's first day @ swim team I have to confess was a bit painful. He's starting a week late because he went to camp last week. That puts him ever so slightly behind the rest of the team. Now this is just a summer "team" workout. It's supposed to be fun, help you work on your strokes and your speed, etc. The facility is indoors, yet the 'garage like' doors were open to let in the sweltering heat and humidity. For a parent sitting on the side lines, it was like sitting in a steam room. I was sweating bullets! Watching him only added to the heat in my body.
He has this totally athletic-looking body, standing at about five foot nine and two-hundred pounds. When coaches look at him they see potential. Not to mention that he is black, living in a primarily white suburb. He is strong, but not exactly well coordinated, although, he is basically a good swimmer. On this first day he looked like a deer in the headlights. 'Which way do I run? Huh? What?' The entire group starts heading down the lane and he's just there...not moving. Like -'what am I supposed to do again?' Logically you think, 'Well o.k. I didn't really here what the instructor said. I wasn't paying attention. Maybe I should just do what everybody else is doing.' No he just there holding up the wall. I'm on the sidelines, (luckily far enough away that he can't here what I'm thinking) sending out into the universe, 'Move! Why are you not moving!?'
Finally he gets going, but he's definitely not getting what it is they want him to do. Slowly he starts easing his way into it. It's a great workout, but he is physically out of shape, which is painfully obvious by the way he starts out with power but runs out of gas about three quarters of the way down the lane. As they move into the breast stroke, I see how much energy this really takes and I am impressed. I am so glad to see his body actually moving instead of sitting in front of the computer or at the table gobbling down an oversize bowl of cereal. Wow! If he keeps this up, even if he's not the best, or the fastest, at least he will slim down and loose some of the pounds that the medicine and his horrible diet have put on him this past year.
Afterwards, he complains about how tired he is. He's hot and his stomach hurts. I rave to him about how well he did for his first day, how proud I am and what a good workout he had! I entice him further by saying that if he keeps it up, he will slim down and have incredible muscles and "get all the girls!" Of course he'd have to start smiling and not looking like he's mad at the world all of the time. I leave that part out.
As he is drying off, I catch the coach who worked with him, who had never met Red before this day. I thank him for taking the extra time to work with him. The coach got more of a workout than he bargained for, walking back and forth down the lane constantly to explain to him what to do next. Red seemed to only process one step at time. Instead of breast-stroking down, turning around and back-stroking back. He would breast-stroke down and stop, holding on to the wall, like he didn't know what to do next. I'm sure the coach was thinking, 'Hello...don't you see what the other dozen kids are all doing?'
"Red has Aspergers and he processes information rather slowly. He also has a little anxiety with today being his first day and all." I said. The coach sighed in relief, "Thanks for telling me that. What should I do?" "It means you may have to repeat yourself a lot, which is a little frustrating. Also make sure he's looking at you when you're giving instruction." "Oh, o.k. great! Thank you for sharing that with me. I had no idea!"
Red had told him that he'd been there last month. Which I'm sure made the coach think, 'You've been through a month of training and you still don't get it!?" I explained to him, that he was here last month for an "evaluation" not for actual practice or training. Another light bulb went off. 'That explains a lot!'
This gave me an idea to write a brief introduction to Red and Aspergers to hand out to the adults who will be working with him in a teaching or coaching capacity. You look at him, you listen to him talk and you think totally normal kid. Then you see him in action and you wonder, 'What the hell?'
He has this totally athletic-looking body, standing at about five foot nine and two-hundred pounds. When coaches look at him they see potential. Not to mention that he is black, living in a primarily white suburb. He is strong, but not exactly well coordinated, although, he is basically a good swimmer. On this first day he looked like a deer in the headlights. 'Which way do I run? Huh? What?' The entire group starts heading down the lane and he's just there...not moving. Like -'what am I supposed to do again?' Logically you think, 'Well o.k. I didn't really here what the instructor said. I wasn't paying attention. Maybe I should just do what everybody else is doing.' No he just there holding up the wall. I'm on the sidelines, (luckily far enough away that he can't here what I'm thinking) sending out into the universe, 'Move! Why are you not moving!?'
Finally he gets going, but he's definitely not getting what it is they want him to do. Slowly he starts easing his way into it. It's a great workout, but he is physically out of shape, which is painfully obvious by the way he starts out with power but runs out of gas about three quarters of the way down the lane. As they move into the breast stroke, I see how much energy this really takes and I am impressed. I am so glad to see his body actually moving instead of sitting in front of the computer or at the table gobbling down an oversize bowl of cereal. Wow! If he keeps this up, even if he's not the best, or the fastest, at least he will slim down and loose some of the pounds that the medicine and his horrible diet have put on him this past year.
Afterwards, he complains about how tired he is. He's hot and his stomach hurts. I rave to him about how well he did for his first day, how proud I am and what a good workout he had! I entice him further by saying that if he keeps it up, he will slim down and have incredible muscles and "get all the girls!" Of course he'd have to start smiling and not looking like he's mad at the world all of the time. I leave that part out.
As he is drying off, I catch the coach who worked with him, who had never met Red before this day. I thank him for taking the extra time to work with him. The coach got more of a workout than he bargained for, walking back and forth down the lane constantly to explain to him what to do next. Red seemed to only process one step at time. Instead of breast-stroking down, turning around and back-stroking back. He would breast-stroke down and stop, holding on to the wall, like he didn't know what to do next. I'm sure the coach was thinking, 'Hello...don't you see what the other dozen kids are all doing?'
"Red has Aspergers and he processes information rather slowly. He also has a little anxiety with today being his first day and all." I said. The coach sighed in relief, "Thanks for telling me that. What should I do?" "It means you may have to repeat yourself a lot, which is a little frustrating. Also make sure he's looking at you when you're giving instruction." "Oh, o.k. great! Thank you for sharing that with me. I had no idea!"
Red had told him that he'd been there last month. Which I'm sure made the coach think, 'You've been through a month of training and you still don't get it!?" I explained to him, that he was here last month for an "evaluation" not for actual practice or training. Another light bulb went off. 'That explains a lot!'
This gave me an idea to write a brief introduction to Red and Aspergers to hand out to the adults who will be working with him in a teaching or coaching capacity. You look at him, you listen to him talk and you think totally normal kid. Then you see him in action and you wonder, 'What the hell?'
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago