If you've never wanted to cause your child a moment of pain...you're not the mother of a teen with Aspergers. Upon my doctor's recommendation I signed the kid up for numerous activities and camps this summer. One -so that they would not be bored and two -so that I wouldn't have to be with them all the time, and three -so that I wouldn't end up in prison for child endangerment because I 'accidentally' wrung somebodies neck!
The best thing I signed up for was the sleep away Christian camp for the 14 year old. He loved it! He was accepted and made friends. He wasn't able to bug the sh_t out of me by calling home every five-minutes. In fact he didn't call at all. It was great! Except for the fact that I couldn't call him either, and I worried continually. I did resist the urge and reminded myself to simply enjoy the peace. Art camp was great for the 11 year old. He enjoyed it immensely. Art has a calming zen-like effect over him, not to mention he is very gifted and continues to improve the more lessons he gets.
As for the teenager -we are going on week two of swimming and movie camp. He vehemently complains when it is time to go. Aspergers makes transitions difficult, sleep to wake, from computer to getting your ass into the next gear. "I DON'T WANT TO GO!" I hear this tune daily, at maximum volume.
So yesterday, it's time for swimming and I pull out a little ABA (applied behavior analysis) trick. If you cooperate I will buy you Skittles after class. A relatively simple, inexpensive reward. He agrees to cooperate. When it's time to go, I call him and he says, "O.K." I end up calling him 10 more times before he comes down the stairs. We are late because of his delay. He gets down the stairs finally, and then he decides he wants a Pop Tart! A FREAKIN POP TART! Class starts in 10 minutes. "If you had come down 15 minutes ago, you would have had time for a Pop Tart! Now you don't! Let's go!" I literally have to block him from the cabinet and insist that he get in the car. He is 5' 9", 200+ pounds, I am 5' nothing, (I won't tell you how many pounds.) By the time we get in the car, my head is throbbing. I swear I thought about stopping the car suddenly so he would bump his head on the dashboard! I know...that's really bad, but this is called "Confessions" and at least I didn't do it! This time!
This morning, he did not want to get up for Movie Camp. Why? Well, one -because he's completely ungrateful! Two -because he stayed up too late last night. Did I want to get up this morning? NO! Did I do so anyway? Of course. Did I do this so that I will open up my world and expose myself to something that will help me in my future career? Absolutely not! It takes me 30 plus minutes to get him out of bed. We try the old cold water towel trick. I felt like getting a Super-Soaker Uzi! By the time I dropped him off I had that anxious feeling in my chest -like I wanted to burst wide open.
So much for signing him up for a bunch of crap to make it a more peaceful summer. Next year I will try to find a camp where I can send him for a month! I don't care how much it costs. I will get a job just to pay for it!
I know...he has Aspergers. These behaviors are to be expected (to a degree). It doesn't mean I have to like it.
Thursday, July 22, 2010
A Moment of Pain
Logging you in...Comments by IntenseDebate
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago