This all started back in April when I failed to send him a birthday card. Yeah I know -terrible right? Not really. Dad was gone on a cruise on his actual birthday so I figured I had time to get the card while he was gone. The next thing you know...life is happening, too much time goes by and I never sent one. Sue me! I think I was a little resentful of the expectation like everyone owes him something. He doesn't really want the card, he expects a gift of money.
I like to give from my heart, not because I am expected to -like it's an obligation or a requirement. I resent the implication that we owe him something. He is my father and I love him simply because of that fact. He brought fun, laughter and music to my life as a child. He was fun dad on every other weekend or whenever. There were times when he moved away when that wasn't even possible. True he was only a phone call away. But now that I'm a parent, I know what kind of sacrifice it takes to raise a child and I know that he did not make those sacrifices. My mother did. I watched her depressed and crying herself to sleep as she tried to figure out how to make ends meet. I know that he did not contribute financially or otherwise on a regular basis. He did what he could when he could. Yes -I could call him for a new pair of shoes or to pay for senior pictures but he wasn't there for the everyday things. And that's o.k. We got by. I never had a hungry day. But to now have this expectation like I owe you my life really just gets underneath my skin.
Well apparently he wasn't done yet. When I got home there was an e-mail, basically cursing me out and calling my mother outside of he name. I don't know what she had to do with his birthday card, but she became a target of his disgust. Could he be jealous of the close relationship I have with her? Well, in the years when my children were young and we didn't have a lot of money...she would send me money or a gift card every year for my birthday. She knew it may be the only chance I had to shop. Where as for him, there have been times, when my birthday came and went and he didn't even call.
He's 80 years old and has diabetes. Who knows how much longer he will be with us. I can chalk this up to his age, perhaps senility. I can try to forgive him but can I forget? Can I continue to allow him to totally disrespect my mother? Can I sit and listen when he continually trashes the men in our family -his sons? I don't think so. Where do we go from here? Today -I don't know.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago