My youngest son developed more interest in relationships at a more appropriate age. However, his approach to relationships with the opposite sex is a lot more pragmatic. Still dating is not an easy thing.
I don't know why they ask me for dating advice. They really don't listen to my answers. That doesn't stop them from asking me over and over again. It also doesn't stop my heart from breaking and wanting them to find love and happiness.
- Why can't I find a girlfriend?
- What's wrong with me?
- Why does dating seem to come along easily for most people but not for me?
- Why is every girl I meet already taken?
- Why am I struggling?
- You have no idea how this feels! (Which is more of an accusation than a question).
One of the things I think that helped me the most was having males who were just friends. In my teen years, I had more male than female friends. Yep. I really used to be a teenager. I know things have changed in your age of technology, however, human nature is very much the same. You don't have to believe me now. You'll see someday.
Every relationship good or bad is something that you are destined to experience. We would all love to be able to control the experience. It would be great if the one we think we love, always loves us in return. That doesn't always happen. It would be fantastic if we never had to go through the pain of heartache when someone ends the relationship before the other person is ready, but again it's a part of the journey.
If you can control love, you will be the first person on earth to do so. Good luck with the millions you will earn selling your secret.
Again, we have no control when it comes to love.
One of my boys is a strong believer in God, the other not so much. The youngest is still examining his faith.
For the terms of my believer, these are my answers (although I think they are appropriate for anyone).
- Finding the relationships that you are meant to have, will NEVER be a struggle ~You will not have to knock the door down. There will be no need to call them constantly or text them over and over. You won't have to convince them that you're the one. They will come to you naturally and they will stay with you as long as they are meant to.
- The struggle comes in when you are trying to make something happen that God, (the universe, or fate) says, it is not meant for you.
- There is nothing wrong with you. ~What's wrong is that you are approaching every relationship and every person you meet as if they are meant for you when they're not.
- Dating seems to come along easily to others ~because you are on the outside looking in. Other people may have more relationships. That doesn't mean that they are quality relationships. They will undoubtedly also have more drama. More drama comes along with the relationships that are based on selfish desires (not God's plan or fate). Maybe God doesn't want you to have all that drama.
- If the person you meet is already taken...they are not meant for you to be in a relationship at that moment. Perhaps that person, even if they are the opposite sex, and beautiful, or handsome, crossed your path because you are meant to be friends. Maybe being a friend without selfish desires, will lead to something more. That new friend could possibly end up leading you to another destined relationship.
- You struggle more when your desires are selfish ~A relationship that comes your way without a struggle is meant to happen, even if it doesn't last forever. You are meant to learn something from that experience. That person was meant to be a part of your journey.
I decided to write these answers down for my sons so that perhaps I won't have to repeat myself, nine-hundred-ninety-nine more times.
Here you go, kid! It's in writing.
Love,
Mom
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago