The other day you asked me why you can't live here at home for another 5 or 10 years. There are so many reasons, I don't know if I can count them all, but here is a good start.
First and most importantly...
- You may not live to see another 5 or ten years if you continue to live here. I know I'm much smaller than you, but I may end up killing you or at least hurting you seriously because of the way that you treat me. Okay I'm kidding. Sort of...exaggerating. Okay, the point is, I don't want to go to jail.
- I may not live another 5 years if you live here. You stress me out! My heart can not take another 5 or 10 years of you and your yelling, following me around and harassing me in my own home. The only time I have peace is when you are not in this house. You and I seem to make each other miserable. I always love you, but honestly, I don't like you very much right now. I will like you and love you so much more if there was more distance between us. Dad and I would be so much happier to help you if we see you taking steps towards taking care of yourself! We still help your older brother to this day when he really needs it. That's what family does. Have you seen how much better he gets along with Dad now that he doesn't live here?
- You want to get married someday. If you never learn to take of yourself, you will never be able to take care of a family. No one wants to marry a mama's boy. Walking around talking about, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!" A good woman wants to marry a man who takes care of his business.
Photo Credit imgbuddy.com - I am to you, like kryptonite is to Superman. When I am around, you feel weaker than you actually are. When I'm not around, you feel stronger, empowered to do more for yourself. You don't want to spend your life, waiting for others to help you. You have to help yourself! You want the most full life possible. This means being comfortable financially, being able to travel, take care of yourself and your family someday. I can not continue to give you a crutch to hold onto, if I do, you will never walk freely on your own.
- You are not disabled. You are differently abled! You can absolutely do anything you set your mind to. You can not let fear keep you from living a full life. You have the ability to do so much more than many of your peers that you're always comparing yourself to. Have you ever noticed that you are one of the highest functioning people in most of the programs you're in? You have been blessed with more ability than many other people. Out of your close friends, how many have kept a job for over 1 year? How many have taught themselves a skill like video editing? How many have earned money from their own business? You are intelligent! You can do anything you WANT to do. You simply have to WANT to do it!
- Everything you try, you succeed. Do you realize that your first answer to everything is NO? "No I don't want to do it! NO! I'm not doing that! No! I'm not eating that." That is all about fear! You have to try it to know if you like it. You have always been more likely to try things when you are away from me! You try new things when you travel to see family. You wanted this film internship. You were scared to apply for it. It would mean changing your schedule. You were sure it wasn't going to work out. It did! You were accepted! There is always fear in the beginning. Change is scary, but you always come through it! You wanted to learn videography, you taught yourself. If you want to live more independently, you can do it! You just have to walk through fear.
- Adults don't like being told what to do. You are and adult, but as long as you are here in our home, you have to follow your parents rules. We will always have a say in what you are doing. Living on your own, gives you freedom from your parents (who according to you, know absolutely nothing.)
- There are too many people in this house that you don't get along with. You fight with everyone! Me. Your brother. Nana, Harry (the dog) and Dad! If you haven't gotten along with us in almost 20 years, chances are, you won't start now. You do however get along with friends and peers. You will get along with a roommate or a group of peers better than you will EVER get along with your family!
- You are not happy here. You are happiest when you are away from your family. You are happy at work. You are happy at church and when you are with your church family. You are happy when you are around your friends, and people closer to your age. You are happy when you spend time with Mr. Kevin. You are happy when you travel and spend time away from us. Why not have more of that? Truthfully, freedom is happiness! Trust me. I'd give anything to be free and on my own! The time I lived on my own was the best time of my life! Such a silly girl to give that up for this.
- Life struggles make you stronger and help you learn. Life can't always be easy, or you will never learn anything. Challenges are opportunities to learn. An easy life teaches you absolutely nothing. Living on your own figuring out your bills and your life will be challenging, but it will definitely lead to you being a strong man and less of a little boy who is always walking around talking about, "Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!"
I say this with all the love in my heart. Love that you will see a lot more of, once you move out of my house!
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago