"Oh crap!" I thought to myself when I got the phone call. When there is even the possibility of ice on the ground the world stops in Austin. Today was a 2 hour delay because we were below freezing and their was a little precipitation. For Red's adult transition program, this would mean NO CLASS today.
To top it off, I have to drive him to therapy. It's gray. It's cloudy. This is going to be hell. Or so I thought.
Then this happened...
While I was having my coffee and avoiding contact with Red, he posted a status on Facebook to the attention of close friends and family.
"I've been feeling really guilty lately because haven't been living the true Christian life like I'm supposed to. I haven't been reading my bible. I haven't been praying that often. I honestly haven't been paying attention in church. I haven't been excited and on fire for God like I was when I got out of church camp. I feel like I'm starting not to care as much about anything but myself. And that is not good.
I've been a selfish arrogant fool to my loved ones and those who care about me. I don't know what is real anymore. Sometimes there are days where I don't want to believe in anything but I can't let Satan win. I just hope that I never loose my faith because sometimes I feel like he's not there. The faith is still there and I just need to grow my faith and trust God and the people he has put in my life.
I've been struggling a lot at home and it's been getting worse and worse. It's getting to the point where I can't live there anymore. My parents are about to kick me out the house and I cannot let that happen. I've disappointed a lot of people. I have a lot of apologies to make.
Usually, life takes more than it gives. To my family members and loved ones, I apologize for my arrogance and rudeness over the past few months but all I'm asking for is forgiveness. To anyone who is reading this, I'm asking for your prayers for me and my family. Thank you for your acceptance and forgiveness over my blunders. I love you guys so much."
*Reposted with his permission.
*Reposted with his permission.
To which I replied,
"You are an excellent writer son. You should stop being afraid to take college classes. I think you could do great. You seem to have your mother's talent for writing. Now if you could only live this. You're living your life in fear instead of trusting God's plan for your life.
By the way ...we don't want apologies. We get apologies all the time. We want progress. We want you to stop fighting against all of the help that you have in your life. We want to be treated with dignity and respect. This writing and self-reflection is great, but action is much better."
By the way ...we don't want apologies. We get apologies all the time. We want progress. We want you to stop fighting against all of the help that you have in your life. We want to be treated with dignity and respect. This writing and self-reflection is great, but action is much better."
Now I don't know how much of this is real. What is scripted thought he's picked up from a song, or what he's heard someone say, but I don't care. It is a step in the right direction. And today was a good day.
The Lesson I learned?
Just because the ingredients are present, don't always assume it's going to be a recipe for the worse day ever. Be hopeful ...optimistic. You just may end up with chocolate chip cookies.
Does that make any sense? Sorry. I have cookies on the brain.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago