Editorial Note: As we wrap up Autism Awareness Month, I bring to you our final Guest Post for the month of April...
Cindy is one of our Confessions, autism mama's. She is the mother of two amazing boys one of whom is confirmed to be on the spectrum and has an interestingly formed left hand, and one who might have ADHD. Having children teaches us who we really are. Having children with special needs teaches us love and compassion beyond any other experience in life. Here is the story of how Cindy's special boys have changed her forever.
My oldest, M is my Aspie with a 'different' hand. The very first thing I learned from him is that people are not their disability. Different is not always bad- in fact it is often amazing! This boy was brought up to believe that his left hand was one of many outward signs that God made him special- just like I have dark curly hair and hazel eyes. He internalized it so much that when we were last at the hand Dr he told the Dr,"no! That is a way God made me special!" without looking up from the DS screen! I almost started laughing then and there!
My boys both had physical challenges growing up, they had many therapies a week- and through that I learned that I grasp concepts of OT and PT very well. I guess I am a good student.
Motherhood has shown me that I am capable of loving more than I ever thought possible-2 babies are more love!
Being their mom has shown me that I can find a creative solution to just about any situation! I am creative! (I used to draw, paint and sculpt. They all stopped when I learned to crochet and cross stitch.) I have always encouraged my kids to be creative and try new art techniques- even finger painting with your knees! They brought my creativity back into my life.
My little guy, A, has taught me so much about forgiveness and generosity. He will forgive you if you apologize. If you don't you are out of luck. And if you asked for it nicely, he would even share a favorite book with you! They had a fundraiser for the earthquake victims in Haiti a while back- and A was so excited about giving his dollar so he could wear a hat in school that he couldn't stop grinning! A cheerful giver lives here! He taught me that even things I need to give to, there is a joy in having enough to give
M has taught me an amazing amount about finding my strengths. He is amazing at science, computers and ART- takes after his Mom I guess. His life has challenged me to re-examine who I am and where my strengths lie.
One of my creative outlets for a while was in making the boys birthday cakes. One looked like Blue's house from Blue's Clues, Elmo, Thomas the Tank Engine, Power Ranger, Death Star and I am sure I missed one or 2.
I have learned that I am a very creative person and that when my creative outlet is not available, I get downright irritable!
ADHD means: playing video games and having a coherent conversation actually can happen!
Hypersensitive hearing is great for correcting people on the phone. It is also excellent in knowing who just pulled into the driveway or locating a cat
I learned how to love by watching both of my boys with our cat, Yoda, and with each other. They both want to have the cats attention. But M wants to give the fur baby a full body hug and Yoda is not inclined to accept that as a hug. A wants to pet Yoda. And Yoda loves them both.
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| Cindy's Boys |
My Boys bicker- they are preteen and teenaged- but they always look out for each other when the other one is upset. They check in with each other when they get home from school, and before bed. Just a ,"Hi Bro" but it is very meaningful.
I have learned that it does not all have to be perfect! And that I will never be this elusive perfect person no matter what.
I learned that the schedules I made for them as small children have prepared them for adulthood. We do not have too many rush around mornings- especially my Aspie! He turned 15 last year and he just started being responsible.
I have leaned that I can survive on 6 hours sleep or less! Don't recommend it but I have achieved much in that state.I now understand the term 'silence is golden!' A is a little chatterbox so when he quiets down I am relieved.
Special is the right word to describe my boys ...courageous, happy, and handsome. They have brought me back to life and they are my real life heroes!
May blessings follow you wherever you go!
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago