Friends
How many of us have them?
Friends
One's we can depend on.
Friends
Before we go any further...Let's be friends. --Whodini
This was Red's Facebook status last night:
He got good feedback from a few friends (typical teens I might add). They told him the same thing that I always do, "Join a club where you can find people with mutual interest. Friendships take time. Don't worry things will work out." Hopefully, he will believe them. He certainly doesn't believe me.
In some ways, he is wise beyond his years, "Everyone is not your friend." On the other hand, his feelings break my heart. He has come so far in a years time. He has more friends than he had a year ago. He is now in a much more supportive school environment. But he is still reaching for the stars...he wants to be friends with THOSE people over there!
Some people with Aspergers can't stand being around a lot of people and the energy that it takes to maintain conversations, much less friendships with people who really don't "get" them. Not my boy...he is longing to be a part of the popular crowd. Well...I want to be skinny and have smooth, silky clear skin like the airbrushed models in magazines. Anyone have any miracles for sale...cheap?
He's right about one thing...you shouldn't have to work so hard for friendships. You shouldn't have to always be the person who speaks first, or who calls more. A real friend will seek YOU out as much as you seek them. Friendship should be mutual...it should develop naturally out of mutual interest, common ground and genuine feelings for one another. Red wants the average, typical teenager to understand his Aspergers and how he see's the world. It will be a miracle if this happens in the large group of typical teens that he wants to be a part of. Most teenagers are innately self-centered and into themselves...especially the popular ones. Unfortunately, they are not trying to take the time out to understand themselves...much less, understand someone complicated, mopey, and moody with special needs.
We are lucky if we find a handful of true friends over a lifetime. I have been truly blessed in that department. The thing is...I'm not picky. I love people who love me despite my high-maintenance craziness.
How many of us have them?
Friends
One's we can depend on.
Friends
Before we go any further...Let's be friends. --Whodini
This was Red's Facebook status last night:
He got good feedback from a few friends (typical teens I might add). They told him the same thing that I always do, "Join a club where you can find people with mutual interest. Friendships take time. Don't worry things will work out." Hopefully, he will believe them. He certainly doesn't believe me.
In some ways, he is wise beyond his years, "Everyone is not your friend." On the other hand, his feelings break my heart. He has come so far in a years time. He has more friends than he had a year ago. He is now in a much more supportive school environment. But he is still reaching for the stars...he wants to be friends with THOSE people over there!
"I want to be friends with normal kids!"
"Why do all of my friends have to have special needs?"
"Why do I have to have this stupid Aspergers?! It's not fair!"
How about be happy that you don't have to eat lunch alone...that there are people who seek you out and want to be your friend? That's not good enough. He wants to reconnect with peers from his elementary school that he hasn't seen in 4 years. He is back in our home-school where he knows more people from the past. He wants to go into the loud cafeteria and sit with them. Although, they have probably already formulated groups that will be difficult to break into, which will really make him angry when they don't all turn around and make him the center of attention. He has no idea how to have idle chit-chat about the non-sensical things that typical teens talk about. He is not seeing things the way they are...or the way they will be. He sees them in this fantasy medium...the way he WANTS them to be. I can't tell him that though. He doesn't believe me.
Some people with Aspergers can't stand being around a lot of people and the energy that it takes to maintain conversations, much less friendships with people who really don't "get" them. Not my boy...he is longing to be a part of the popular crowd. Well...I want to be skinny and have smooth, silky clear skin like the airbrushed models in magazines. Anyone have any miracles for sale...cheap?
He's right about one thing...you shouldn't have to work so hard for friendships. You shouldn't have to always be the person who speaks first, or who calls more. A real friend will seek YOU out as much as you seek them. Friendship should be mutual...it should develop naturally out of mutual interest, common ground and genuine feelings for one another. Red wants the average, typical teenager to understand his Aspergers and how he see's the world. It will be a miracle if this happens in the large group of typical teens that he wants to be a part of. Most teenagers are innately self-centered and into themselves...especially the popular ones. Unfortunately, they are not trying to take the time out to understand themselves...much less, understand someone complicated, mopey, and moody with special needs.
We are lucky if we find a handful of true friends over a lifetime. I have been truly blessed in that department. The thing is...I'm not picky. I love people who love me despite my high-maintenance craziness.
Logging you in...
Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
diyalabs6192603 11p · 192 weeks ago
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Spoil your cat · 122 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago