Shady is 23 years old. Isn't he handsome? I didn't give birth to him, so I can't take credit for his great looks. However, I did raise him from the time he was 5 years old. He is my son. I chose him. I chose to marry a man who had a five-year-old active little boy, when I had no such baggage. Yes, I say baggage, because of course, the 5 year-old son came along with an ex-wife, which almost always adds a little drama to a relationship. Actually, I admired the fact that my then boyfriend, had risen to the challenge of being the custodial parent. How many men do you know who fight for and win custody of their children? He must be a good guy right?
I was there for every important moment of his childhood. I was there to nurse him through asthma, the flu, scraped knees, a broken arm and a dislocated shoulder. I was there for homework, last minute projects, talent shows, basketball and football practices and games. I was there for the first broken heart in 5th grade when he couldn't stop crying for hours. I was there for the second broken heart in high school when the older girl totally dissed him after her first semester in college. I saw it coming a mile away, but it was still painful to watch.
I was there when he crashed my brand new car into the side of the house when he was trying to hide his girlfriend's car in our garage, so that her crazy mother wouldn't know she was at our house. I was there when he got arrested for pure stupidity. I was there when we payed the lawyer to prove that he hadn't done anything illegal...just stupid. This was at expense of the new kitchen floor that I was about to get, until we spent the money on his freedom.
I was there at graduation from high school and for the first year at the University that we paid dearly for, only to find out later that our money had been waisted. After football season was over, he barely went to class. Instead he stayed up all night playing video games and chasing skirts (very short, skanky, skirts).
We were there to buy the first car that was hit and damaged beyond repair. We were there to help buy the second car, so that he could get to work and to the community college, to make up for the classes he failed at the university.
I was there to say good-bye as he went off to boot camp when he joined the Army National Guard, after his dad had walked him through the process of joining the Air Force. I was very proud as he finished boot camp and started over again as an ROTC student at another local university.
I was always there to listen, to give advice, to discipline, to get his father to day "yes", to support him and love him as though my blood runs through his veins.
I did all of this only to be slapped in the face and disappointed over and over and over again. This is an open letter to my son Slim Shady:
Dear Son,
You suck! You suck because you hurt your father over and over again when you lie to him --when you ask for his advice and then refuse to take it.
You suck because you fail to call, bring a flower or a card for my birthday. You don't show your face on Mother's Day. I mean come on -you live 10 minutes from here.
You suck because you don't follow the stellar example of the man who raised you. The man who is responsible and treats women with the utmost respect. You don't stand on your own two feet. Instead, you use women for what they can do for you. Then you turn around and disrespect them by using offensive language to communicate with them. You do this in front of your 15 year-old, impressionable brother.
You suck because you know that both of your brothers have disabilities and could use the love, support and example of a big brother, yet you're too busy to take any time for them. You can't take them out to shoot hoops, go to the gym to work out or toss a ball at the park. These things are free!
You really suck because when your brother was in the hospital last week, you didn't show up for a 15 minute visit or make a 5 minute phone call. This tops everything!
This isn't to say you haven't accomplished anything. I was always proud of your grades throughout your school years.
I was always proud of how well-mannered you were with your teachers and other adults.
I was always proud of your discipline on the football field.
I am proud that you are back in college working on your education.
At the same time you disappoint me on so many levels, I've actually lost count.
I love you always. I can't wait for the day that you rise to the occasion and become the independent, strong, family-oriented man, that we raised you to be.
Love Mom,
p.s. Where's my cake plate that I sent home with you for your birthday in March? Oh yeah that's right, I don't think I've seen you since then!
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Adelaide Dupont · 285 weeks ago
And for those of us who knew and appreciated these points in high school to a greater or lesser extent - always good to have a refresher and feel them through the current and future generations who we survived to be able to see.
I especially appreciated points 5, 7 and 10.
And young women not settling or settling down yet is a good thing.
"It's never too late to live our dreams" - but it may be too early for some of them!
And 8 of course.
nicole · 243 weeks ago
Risa · 230 weeks ago
LAH · 221 weeks ago
Maira L. Coral · 216 weeks ago
I was looking for information for my Multi-Genre Disability Research Project from my Early Childhood Special Education class on the web, when suddenly I came across your blog. I started reading this out of curiosity and I want to tell you that as you said yourself, you will not be Amanda Gorman, but you managed to make me shed some tears, perhaps because I felt totally identified with your words, especially in the part that you speak of your son. My son also has Asperger's syndrome, he is 19 years old and he is in the second semester of College. Also like yours, he takes classes from home, likewise my eldest daughter is also taking college classes from her room. At the same time, that I work as a preschool teacher from my kitchen through a computer, my husband sleeps in the room during the day because he works at night. Also in the afternoons I myself take virtual school classes. I am a 51-year-old Latin woman who began to learn the English language as adult, so maybe you find some deficiencies in my writing, however, I was very moved by how proud you express yourself about your son. Referent your mother, I liked the humorous tone that you give when your talk about her, so I did not want to miss this opportunity and stopped my assignments for a moment to let you know that your words do make a difference, since they reach the heart of at least those who have opportunity to read you. I want confess you that is the most long I have written to someone I don't know, because your words inspired me, thank you...
Gavin Bollard · 209 weeks ago
Thanks for this post. I've been very distracted of late and so this was how I found out about our friend Kate. Kate's struggles were very real but they were so constant and so wide-ranging that it was difficult for people around her to address them. I think it's going to take a while longer for me to process all this.
I learned so much from Kate because she was always quick to point out the many injustices in the world. In her glory days, she was very much a crusader and she cared for everyone. Over the years, as her situation took its toll, I came to realise that it was the fact that she couldn't be put in a single specific category, that made the system fail her. She needed help that they weren't set up to provide.
She needed more care and she needed to be less alone. I'm so sorry that this has happened.
For a long while we were corresponding almost every day but a couple of months ago, I realised that she had become so stressed that nearly every interaction I had with her was starting to trigger her. I backed away to give her a bit more space. She only had a little time that she could stand to be online and there were too many things that she wanted to do in that time. I thought that by taking a step back, she could reach out to more people who might be geographically closer and able to assist.
Kate was a beautiful soul and she will be sorely missed by all of us.
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Spoil your cat · 121 weeks ago
Many of these living arrangement aren't good, and many of the people who run those places really don't have the residents' best interest at heart. Those places are like old age homes and foster homes, where you sometimes hear horror stories. They're hard to trust. But then there are good ones, of course.
The best thing for an autistic adult is either to go on living at home or working and renting an apartment and living independently, but that isn't always an option.
Duncan · 112 weeks ago